The 1st, 2nd, 3rd (and maybe the 4th if we have time) sign of the apocalypse.

The first sign would have to undoubtedly be Nikki Webster posing in lingerie in FHM.

I have an absolutely pathological hatred of Nikki Webster and I Don't Know Why. I mean obviously she's never done anything to me and it's not the whole Don't Hate Me Because I'm A Tall Poppy crap. I think it might actually be the spiral curl.

But still, when I worked in a music store every month I would run to the drawer holding 100 copies of her album (ever wonder how she and the Pop Idols got those gold albums? That's because in Australia it's worked on how many albums shipped not sold) that for some reason we never sent back (and yet we sent back Pnau after two weeks - hello!) and scan them to see if we have finally, finally! marked them down so I could see a chapter close. But no. They never did. And as far as I know they're still there signalling the end of the human race.

The second sign of the apocalypse would have to be me buying chick-lit. I bought my first one today. I don't think I'll ever be clean. For those of you who think I'm being a hypocrite since I read Mills and Boons (oh yes) I just have one...two... five! words to say.

Mills and Boons is candy.

I can read that shit in thirty minutes, a late night snack before bed if you will and it uses exactly one brain cell located around my right temporal lobe.

And they're hysterical. How many euphemisms can one author use in the one book for the word penis? Mills and Boons answer? Lots.

Chick-lit however is like the Cadbury Breakfast Bar. It's pretending to be healthy breakfast food but it has a two centimetre milk chocolate base and really, have we fallen down the nutritional abyss that badly that it's a viable breakfast alternative?

Admittedly you have to love a book that on Page 10 has:

He looked uncomfortable but then smiled at me. "Let's just have a nice
dinner together, okay? After dinner I have a suprise for you."

He was either going to propose or we were breaking up. It is
indicative of the parlous and confused state of modern relationships
that Charlie acting romantically could be an indication of either extreme.

- Lovestruck by Melanie La'Brooy

So maybe this one will not involve a ditzy, clutzy, bad-with-money and yet somehow manages to snag the unlikely Hot Hero chick.

The third would have to be that I'm so incredibly bored. As a sign of how bad things can get and how quick they can happen, the last time I was this bored, I moved back to Perth. After thinking about it for two days.

Once upon a time it used to involve me going on huge, decadent benders with gay boys like going to Suede for lunch and still being there cocktail in hand for dinner or making my manager give me cuddles all day because I'd only slept for fifteen minutes the entire weekend which was while I was waiting for my tram to arrive.

And lastly, the fourth sign of the apocalypse is that I came back from work today to a semi-clean house. My first thought was that my brother's on-off-on-off-on-off-on-off x1000 girlfriend had come over and cleaned but nope, it was all him.

the keys to my heart

I feel like I should put [SPOILER] in front of it.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

shop shop shop shop

I had my first pang of "whatthehellhaveidone??" after I got a $200 pair of shoes (ballet slippers even!!) delivered to work. The "ooohs" and "aaaaahs" from my work mates are the only things that stopped me from swearing to never ever spend a cent again.

I just bought a Don Omar (oooooh reggaeton mun! me hearts it! me hearts it!) and a Rinocerose CD. They so don't go together but I'm pretty sure my CD player won't implode when they get put in there together.

My last purchases for awhile are going to be a dryer (since I think nothing of blowing huge amounts of money on crap I might as well blow huge amounts of money on white goods that are going to haunt me forever) and a Motorola V3i Razr.

The liquid gold D&G one because my inner child is a drag queen.

WYSIWYG my ass

Well actually what you see is what you get with my ass but this is going off-topic.

I hate the post editor! Gah! When I use something that's touted as so easy to use I shouldn't have then to edit the Html and then crack it and code it myself.

I haven't really updated have passport. will travel. lately but I just did two posts now that should count for something. Of course I'm only up to like Day 2 but hey, there's only another six weeks to go.

I got ordered by the doctor to have a week's bed rest so I haven't really been feeling all that witty but I managed to convince Dave to do something with me so I could get out of the house and to celebrate I put on as many gold bangles as I could find (make a gypsy blush why don't you), washed my hair (oh I knooooow) and put on snakeskin stilettos.

Those Eastern Bloc girls have nothing on me.

I Heart Angst

...which is just as well because I seem to hunt it down and make it mine. But this is beside the point. Well not beside the point. Just not the point I'm trying to make at the moment. Which is not to see how many times I can break a perfectly good sentence up with fullstops but instead to lament the fact that my two closest friends in the entire world have not only left the city but the entire country and are going to be away for four weeks at least (four weeks for one and five weeks for the other).


Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

What am I meant to do?? Hang out with myself???

I don't think so!

So I'm getting some episodes of Season 2 of Veronica Mars which will make it all better because although she's make-believe she'd sooooo be my friend.

Word.